The other day I came across research that showed one-third of British families believe that mum and dad should never stop paying for the family trip. Generation Z are even holding firm that the parent should contribute 52 per cent of the family holiday funds. And it’s already happening: multi-generational holidays are booming with more than double the number of British people going on holiday compared to four years ago.
In many ways, I was completely shocked. How on earth can anyone afford to take their family on holiday, especially when their children are in their 20s and early 30s? Why would anyone expect that? Why on earth should parents foot the bill for holidaying when everyone is now becoming cash-strapped?
Surely the Bank of Mum and Dad has to shut down at some point? For most, it’s not even possible for parents to keep paying for their children, especially when they’re not really children anymore.
But then I realised that I’m guilty of this too. I am 60 at the end of this year and I wanted to organise a special family holiday to celebrate. I have four children and my second son is in a very serious relationship, so there was going to be six of us on holiday. I currently don’t have a partner, so we weren’t factoring that in. But we were thinking of taking my 92-year-old mother.
When it came to deciding where to go, I thought about previous holidays I enjoyed: Scotland, the Isle of Wight, North Devon. Unfortunately, my birthday is in December so we decided we would go after Christmas to get a cheaper holiday – and, at my children’s request, to go somewhere warm.
So we were looking at Thailand or Kenya, where I used to work as a volunteer teacher when I was 18 – or Tanzania or Zanzibar. I have various friends who go to South Africa in the winter. I also know that people go to the Caribbean.
We sat down and tried to work out the cost of a week's holiday for six people. Once you had factored in flights, seats, accommodation and food, I don’t think we were going to get much change out of £20,000. And while my children want to contribute, they don’t have spare income. So most of that was going to fall to me. Imagine doing that every year?
I love my children and I do understand that they are working and the cost of living has gone up, but I’m constantly shelling out £200 here and £200 there because there’s a shortfall in their rent or the car needs fixing, or they’ve run out of petrol. It's not that my children – 19, 22, 23 and 29 – don't work. They do work. However, their salaries do not keep up with the cost of living. Also they are saving for their rent, or they are putting aside money to potentially – and hopefully – buy a flat at some point.
I imagine that going on a holiday where everything is pretty much provided for must feel like manna from heaven for them. Yet it is financially horrifying.
When is this going to stop? When are children going to realise that at some point they’re no longer children and that they need to stand on their own two feet financially speaking?
When I was younger, this didn’t happen, mainly because you didn’t go on holiday with your parents; once I hit 18, that was the end of it. A family holiday when I was in my twenties would have been unthinkable.
However, that has totally changed. Lots of families holidaying together. And it all looks as if it is costing a pretty penny.
Not only is my social media feed full of pictures of friends of mine, various influencers and celebrities all somehow managing to holiday together with their adult children, I know countless people who are going on holiday with not just their adult kids but their children’s partners and sometimes even grandchildren.
I asked them how any of them can afford it – given the fact that I know young people don’t earn much money these days and the cost of living is crucifying, they basically tell me that they are funding the holiday.
Some of them even tell me they’ve paid for the entire holiday.
They’ve rented villas in Greece. They’ve booked onto activity holidays in the Dordogne. They are swimming around islands in Croatia. If they’re doing a staycation, they’ve rented very expensive holiday homes in Cornwall or Norfolk.
When is this going to stop? When are children going to realise that at some point they’re no longer children and that they need to stand on their own two feet financially speaking?
And it’s not just the cost of the accommodation. Everyone's got to get to wherever it is.
The last time I tried to book flights for myself and my 19-year-old daughter to Greece, the return fare including hold luggage (of course she needs to take every lotion and potion going plus many changes of outfits) and the designated seat so we could sit together came to over £1,000 – and that's just for two people.
How on Earth can anyone afford to do this regularly?
For many people of my generation it feels like an impossible situation. Not only are our children coming on holiday and ordering the most expensive thing off the menu - steak anyone? They are also piling on the drinks, renting jet skis, going shopping, asking if friends can come along.
Yet many people of my generation are still sandwiched between looking after elderly parents (and helping out financially) while also paying off student loans. And it is not only young people that the cost of living has affected. Whenever I look at my grocery bills, I almost faint with the shock. Despite using less electricity and gas, my direct debit has gone up. Nothing is going to get any cheaper in the future. Also, our work is precarious. Many of us are either out of work or freelance or being replaced by AI. In the press recently, there have been many articles by women in their 50s saying that they can no longer find a job despite the fact they are highly qualified.
The Bank of Mum and Dad is shuddering under the pressure. And, as a single parent, I am just the Bank of Mum. So when I realised how much my birthday trip would cost, the plan was shelved.
Unfortunately, this bank is shutting its doors.
Instead, we’ll have dinner at a local pub – not glamorous, and we won't be posting pictures all over social media – but I think it’s about time that we all got realistic about what we can afford and what we can’t afford.