When Sydney Swans CEO Matthew Pavlich addressed the media on Monday about the alleged sexual assault scandal enveloping his club, he said he was “shocked and disappointed” that the players have “found themselves in this situation”.

The “situation” he was referring to was that after their game against Essendon on Sunday, five Swans players had been out drinking to 3am then invited women back to their rooms at the Pullman Hotel, which were paid for by the AFL.

Pavlich’s language bizarrely implies that the players somehow stumbled into a situation not of their making.

At least one woman has since made an allegation of sexual assault about what unfolded in that hotel room. Eight police officers attended the hotel and are investigating. To date, none of the players have been formally interviewed or charged.

We don’t yet know what happened in that hotel room but at a bare minimum, sexual assault allegation aside, by bringing two women back after a night drinking the players involved have apparently shown no regard towards their partners, their teammates, and their AFLW team. It’s staggering professional athletes who have had so much training about acceptable behaviour in their positions as role models to young men, who have access to club welfare and support officers, thought this would be deemed acceptable.

But more important than the players’ apparent selfishness is the disturbing, all-too familiar response to the latest sexual assault allegation to rock the AFL. The knee-jerk reaction from some in football has been to erase the alleged victim/s from the picture.

Instead, the focus has been on the five players and the inconvenient timing of the allegation at the pointy end of the season.

When Pavlich addressed the media with his carefully worded comments, he should have found space to mention that all women have a right to safety, as several other public figures have. Instead his players “found” themselves in the situation, not “put” themselves in it.

Language matters in cases as serious as this.

Sexual assault is a grossly underreported crime in Australia and one of the reasons why people don’t go to police is they know they’re in for an avalanche of victim-blaming if they do.

But it’s not only the response from the Swans that has a Groundhog Day feel about it.

Just two weeks ago, former footballer and television host Sam Newman said on a podcast that the woman raped by AFL players’ agent Ralph Carr “might have had some buyer’s remorse”.

Comments like this are sadly predictable, ill-informed and dangerous in a society where gendered violence is a national crisis.

For decades, women have done all the heavy lifting in shifting the culture of sport. We’ve been the ones who have spoken out about the dark underbelly, often to the detriment of our mental health and careers.

We’ve been the ones who have shouldered the conversations about basic decency and respect.

We’ve put ourselves in the firing line because we want the culture to change so girls and women feel safe and respected, and have properly resourced pathways, facilities, and elite competitions to be their sporting best.

And my god, at times it has been ugly.

I’ve worked in both sport and politics and women in both spheres are subject to abuse, but there’s something particularly vile about the abuse women in sport cop – it’s next level, visceral, and it comes from a belief that women don’t belong in sport.

Like clockwork, this latest allegation has brought with it the “boys will be boys” defence on social media and unleashed a toxic torrent of abuse towards women who dare to question the culture and show empathy towards the alleged victim or victims.

And, with it, a barrage of rape jokes.

It’s time for men in football – senior figures in the AFL, retired players, current players, leaders at local clubs, commentators and journalists – to take a proactive stand against the dark elements of sporting culture in a hypermasculine team sport.

It’s time for them to do their bit. And by “do their bit”, I simply mean call out and educate the community about sexist and demeaning behaviour – the kind of behaviour that excuses and validates gendered violence.

It’s time for men to wrap their heads around the misogyny pyramid, which shows how sexist jokes and banter at the bottom create the social context to excuse the more egregious behaviour that sits at the top.

It’s not too much to ask.

I’ve seen sport change over the past three decades. The introduction of the AFL Women’s competition has brought with it a sisterhood unafraid to challenge the status quo. But there’s a limit to how much can be achieved when your views aren’t equally respected and you don’t have the same decision-making clout.

Unfortunately, there is no magic wand that will get rid of deeply entrenched sexism and disrespect towards women, but the reality is we cannot affect real change without men.

Men in football have the power to create a safer and fairer environment for women, if the will is there.

I’d even go a step further and say men have a responsibility to fix it.

It breaks my heart but here’s another opportunity.

Let’s see if they take it.

Angela Pippos is a veteran sports journalist, writer, filmmaker and former political adviser.

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