One of our team recently shared that she had to remind her overwhelmed mother that she once ran a very busy Perth hospital ward for some years with absolute aplomb.

Another had to give her father a gentle nudge that he could still play and enjoy his beloved lawn bowls every week with his mates after a fall.

These are both important examples of something we can easily forget - getting older doesn’t erase a person’s capabilities or who they once were.

If you’re advocating for an older Australian’s health and wellbeing, you’ll know this often comes with the management of medical appointments, medications and mental health which can be a full-time job for those of us who are the ham in the sandwich generation.

And if you’ve spent time with an older parent or loved one recently you may have noticed that their confidence can often start to decline as they age.

A decline in confidence is natural as we age, because we no longer possess the swagger and bravado of our younger years… there’s a reason for the saying, “youth is wasted on the young.”

Lack of confidence can also be due to the general ageing process, physical challenges, major life transitions, or an illness or bereavement. Whatever the reason, it’s fair to say that confidence and ageing do not always go hand in hand.

But confidence is an important part of the ageing puzzle, because without it, older Australians can lose their independence, develop anxiety at completing simple tasks, feel horribly isolated and lonely or become far too dependent on their family and friends.

Advocare’s helpline receives hundreds of calls from people every month who have lost the confidence to go about their daily lives, even though they still possess the skills and feel completely overwhelmed by the thought of having to do these tasks on their own.

Sometimes this stems from elder abuse or trying to understand the ins and outs of the aged care system or modern technology, but other times it has to do with a life event that has really knocked their confidence sideways.

It’s not easy to navigate, and requires a delicate approach, but it is important to have a gentle conversation with your loved one about their confidence, so they can actively seek help and support if they need it.

It’s also important to empower them with that conversation, remind them of what they’ve achieved in the past and what they’re still capable of now.

Sometimes your belief in them and an honest conversation can make all the difference.

Here’s five tips to approach the conversation with empathy and respect:

Choose the right time

Make sure the conversation is not rushed and they’re not anxious or overwhelmed about something they need to do that day. Take your time and make the conversation non-confrontational.

Approach with compassion

Ask a question such as “how are you feeling mum?” and if you get an “I’m fine…” gently encourage them to open-up by talking about how life and health changes can affect your confidence and share an example from your own life if you can.

Validate, don’t dismiss

Avoid saying things like, “no one thinks that” or “you can do it dad!” – give them a safe space to say what they’re feeling and talk about what they’re scared of. Allowing them the time to talk it out or vent can be a gift in itself.

**Remind them of who they are **

Talk about the job they had, the family they raised, the challenges they’ve already overcome in life, the groups they’ve been a part of and the friends and family who love them. This reminds them of what they’ve achieved in the past and will help tap into their self-belief. It’s often more helpful to remind, not reassure.

**Focus on their strengths and actively listen **

Whatever they tell you, don’t immediately try and fix it for them or dismiss it as silly. Make them feel you’ve listened, heard and understood what they’re going through and that you’ll help guide them and be there by their side. The first important step is often an honest chat with their GP about what they’re experiencing and what you’ve noticed.

A lack of confidence in older people can stem from all sorts of things; feeling they’re “past it” that they have nothing to offer the world, that technology has left them behind, or they’re just “a silly old thing” – when in truth the wisdom and the experience of ageing should be so much more valued in our modern society than it is.

So today, on World Senior Citizens Day have this conversation with someone you love, you will not only help them, it will also give you priceless insight into the beauty and meaning of each season of life.

Erin Timu is the chief executive officer of Advocare, Western Australia’s Seniors Peak Body aimed at upholding the rights of older people and addressing elder abuse.

If you or a loved one needs help or support, contact Advocare’s helpline on 1800 655 566.