Welcome to Declassified, a weekly humor column.

For those of you not in Brussels, the EU capital is deserted at this time of year. It’s emptier than U.S. President Donald Trump’s loyalty card for the salad bar. It’s quieter than a Zoom call with only Boomers (because none of them could find the unmute button, geddit?). It’s lonelier than Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sánchez at the next European Council.

This is because the EU point-blank refuses to give up on its summer vacation. There’s no crisis too big that it can’t be postponed a few weeks while everyone goes off to Tuscany, whether it’s Russia invading Georgia (2008), a devastating earthquake in Italy (2016), or the arrival of tens of thousands of unauthorized migrants in the Spanish exclave of Ceuta (a few days ago).