Q: My thinking is that if someone’s on holiday when they have their birthday, you should still buy them a present to give to them on their return. For two years in a row now, relatives have missed my daughter’s birthday because she’s been away. Am I right to feel aggrieved by this loss of the art of gift-giving? H.M., Wheeler Heights, NSW
A: If there’s an actual “art of gift-giving”, you sound as if you’d be Michelangelo, meticulously painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, while I’d be a snotty toddler in a creche, glueing dry pasta onto a paper plate with his own secretions. I’m not a great gift-giver: the shopping, the spending, the thinking of others? Ugh, bleh, no thanks. That’s why I think that if someone’s not around on their birthday, no gift is necessary: they made their choice, they’re having fun elsewhere (though I’m happy to send a quick text saying, “Happy bday!!!!” with a champagne-flute emoji, if someone reminds me in time).
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On the other hand, as a gift-giving enthusiast, you’d probably give someone a birthday present days, weeks, months before or after their birthday: if a friend got shipwrecked and was a castaway on a desert island for 30 years, they might return to civilisation to find 30 presents waiting for them, impeccably gift-wrapped, with a long-expired artisan gourmet hamper and a harbour cruise voucher they may not want to use.
So here are two answers to your question. An answer for you: the art of gift-giving is a wonderfully meaningful gesture, as rewarding for the giver as it is for the receiver, and if you hosted a birthday party before your daughter heads out of town, your relatives would have the opportunity to shower her with gifts and words of love. And an answer for me: gifts? Ugh, bleh, don’t bother.
guru@goodweekend.com.au
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