Lord knows I have wanted to punch my own face many times when Anthony Albanese is on telly. His personality reminds me of a blancmange. I nod off every time when he starts intoning earnestly about anything. Zero charisma.

For mine, the best thing he ever did was pose for a photo arm in arm with my eldest at a community footy event when Labor was not in power. A printout of the shot is on our fridge, mostly because of Jack’s caption: “The opposition leader of Australia hanging out with the next prime minister.”

Boom tish! Love a gag.

Which is why I’m seeing Albo’s now-infamous melon comments as mildly funny rather than an outrage.

Quick recap for those who’ve missed the brouhaha: during a May visit, Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi gifted Albo two crown melons, the country’s most prized fruit that cost $270 a pop. The gift was a mark of respect.

Albo turned them into a talking point on Nikki Osborne’s Bush Deep podcast, an infamous appearance which now must surely get a podium finish on the PM’s list of life regrets.

Osborne went full Benny Hill about the “strange gift”. “How did he get that through customs?”

“She,” the PM interjected, pointing out that Takaichi is, in fact, a woman.

The PM tried to riff: “She brought two, as you do ...,” he said, hands up in what many saw as bosom innuendo. Osbourne responded, “She just came in looking like Pamela Anderson.” The PM’s spokesperson has denied he had intended to make a crude joke: “This assertion is wrong.”

Still. Melon-Gate is ripe for outrage. Former Japan ambassador Shingo Yamagami wrote in The Australian that Takaichi had been “casually mocked”. In phrasing more suss than the PM’s own, he said Albo should “enjoy Japan’s sweet and juicy melons without thinking about a woman’s anatomy”.

Cue Opposition Leader Angus Taylor demanding an apology for comments “beneath the office of prime minister”, and Tanya Plibersek and Barnaby Joyce brawling on Sunrise. The melon controversy was even reported in the British tabloids.

I’m hyper alert to misogyny and sexism. I have called, and will call, it out privately and publicly. But I just don’t see the big deal here. What Albanese said and did is open to interpretation, but for mine it seemed hapless rather than creepy.

Disclaimer: I also didn’t find his Kylie Minogue comments from the same podcast anything other than understandable. Asked if he would “shag, marry or date” Kylie Minogue, Rhonda Burchmore or Nicole Kidman, Albo nominated Kylie and said he’d do “all of the above”.

The word “shag” didn’t cross his lips, but he apologised anyway.

Who wouldn’t want to marry, shag, date Kylie? My problem was more the PM giggling away at dicky questions. Was he going for cool dad but landing on daggy uncle? Whatever. Kudos to him for having a crack at shaking off the dull persona, even if it was cack-handed and should never be repeated.

It’s notable that Osborne – dressed as “some sort of elephant fighter”, said Barnaby, the first time in living memory we’re in synch – has no case to answer. Are ditzy women who don’t know the Japanese PM isn’t a man more offensive than possible melon hands? Discuss.

If I were Albo, I’d give Takaichi a buzz and sound her out. Surely, she has a hide like a rhino. She didn’t blink in the Oval Office in March when US President Donald Trump raised the “surprise” of the 1941 attack on Pearl Harbour. Ask if she was offended by the melons moment and act accordingly. Although the insincerity of apologising when you say you’re blameless is a bad look.

By his own admission, the leader of the free world gropes women. He gets elected twice. Then a PM makes a gesture that might or might not be a bit Carry On Up The Khyber, and ex-diplomats, breakfast TV and the conservative press lose it. As comedian Ricky Gervais says: “Just because you’re offended, it doesn’t mean you’re right.”

There are a million bigger things to be up in arms about than a weirdly flirty fruit back-and-forth. I’m not even sure Hughesy cares about the melons.

Kate Halfpenny is an author and the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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