*Welcome back to Minor Dilemmas, where a member of Defector's Parents Council will answer your questions on surviving family life. Have a question? Email us at minordilemmas@defector.com. *

Today, Ray tackles a question about the merits of having an only child.

Andrew:

My wife and I had our first child last August. We’ve gone through plenty of your usual first-time parent stress, but year one with our daughter has been a joy.

We’ve always talked about having two, and even though we love parenthood, we’re shifting to “on the fence.” A lot it has to do with our ages and that, given a lack of local family, we want to wait until our daughter is a bit older. What we also keep coming back to is that we don’t want our daughter to be an only child.

Like all sensible people, we’re still irrational often enough, and I think we have some misplaced hangups on only children being under socialized weirdos.

Can you hype us up on the one-child scenario? Can you hype us up on having a second in our late thirties with minimal hands on deck? My wife and I are both Libras, and at the end of the day, we just don’t want to make a decision.

Oh shit, you're Libras? And you mated? And now you have birthed a child? Gods in Heaven man, are you mad?

But let's move past the problem of blaming the stars for your very terrestrial taste for indecision. The zodiac doesn't even know who your procrastinating ass is, and since California courts have rejected it as an affirmative defense, it is inadmissible in advice columns. Fortunately, you cowardly whelp, you have us.

Your daughter has been a joy, yes? Yes. You think she will serve as a template for an as-yet-undelivered second being, yes? No. First kids are different than second kids, and third kids are different than both. It's all part of life's rich pageant, or as we like to call it, "The Lesson Nobody Ever Learns."

If you decide that Little Hydra Face is all you have in you, then one is fine. She may ask for a sibling now and then as a playmate and future objet de mépris, but she's not in charge here. She will have a slightly me-centric view of the world for awhile because you won't be able to keep yourselves from spoiling her, so the sooner you start socializing her with other bipedal mammals, the quicker she'll get over that.

She will be weird, rest assured. All children are weird, and the sooner you let them onto the internet, the weirder they will be. They're supposed to be, at least a little bit. But more important than their development is yours. You say you're in your late thirties, which isn't as horrendous as being a Libra, but it has a say in whether you fire out another copy. It means you'll be nearing retirement age when little Vyacheslav heads off to college, and that means no retirement for you unless your parents are/were rich. You need energy to put up with those sleepless nights when you are absolutely sure the cops are ringing the doorbell and you're scraping up bail money to get Scarface Junior out of the hoosegow.

Now do that scenario twice, the second time when you're 63, and see what you think. The decision about the number of children should absolutely hinge on your relationship with Mrs. Libra, because if nothing else, she's the one who has to carry, deliver, feed and care for the second one while her feet feel like blazing cement. In sum, make this choice based on how you feel, not about what you think your first one needs. If she starts pestering you for a sib, just tell her, "Jesus on two sticks, Hortencia, we can barely tolerate you. Take this stuffed puppy and belt up."

But if you actually need us to decide for you on this, well, kid (x2) = $ (x3). That is, if the first one costs a million to get out of the house, the next will go $1.5 million easy. If you have that kind of scratch, hey, it's Mardi Gras At The Libra House! Hope that cleared up your little dilemma. Now go away.