[PHONE RINGING]

"Mr. Walter's office. Can I help you?"

"Yes you can. Is Mark in?"

("Psst, Mark. Are you taking calls?")

("From who?")

"Uhh, he's not answering right now. Whom may I say is calling?"

"Tell him it's Rob Manfred and I've been trying to get him all weekend."

"I'll leave a message for him."

"You don't need to leave a message. I know he's there. Put him on."

("Psst, Mark. It's Manfred, and he sounds pissed.")

("He can go crap in his hat. I'm his boss, not the other way around. Tell him to call back Thursday.")

"Uhh, Mr. Manfred, he isn't in the office, and I don't know if he's got his cell with him. Let me take a message for you."

"MARK, PICK UP YOUR PHONE! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT!"

("Yeah, what's important this time, you son of a...") "Hi, Rob, you want to modify your tone there? Did you just get off the phone with Arte Moreno again?"

"That's not important right now. Well, yes it is. The other owners are pissed and they're getting more pissed by the day."

"What is it now? And more importantly, why do I care?"

"Look, we had a strategy. Everyone agreed. You'd get Skubal, you'd go on a winning streak, everyone would blame you for screwing baseball and we'd get the salary cap. So what's with the losing?"

"First of all, everyone did not agree. I sure as hell didn't agree. He was on the market, all the other nitwits didn't bid, and we got him. And I definitely didn't agree to be your villain. That's what you've got John Fisher for. Go yell at him."

"John Fisher doesn't get us the salary cap, and..."

"And stop saying 'we' and 'us,' like you're one of the guys paying your salary. You're a commissioner, which makes you the Uber Eats guy with better shoes. And as far as Fisher goes, you don't think he's taking this losing thing a little far? He's a subtle as a rhino horn right up the..."

"Look, let's not get off the point here, Mark. You were supposed to kill the sport by never losing, and what's it been now, a month? Six weeks? You're not even playing .500. You look like the Twins out there. Christ on a crutch, even your manager is ripping your team, and he never rips anybody. This was not the plan."

"Listen, you trout in a suit, screw your plan, and screw whoever's in your ear complaining. It's not my fault you have 20 teams who don't want to win, and it's not my fault that the Nationals exist. I bought this team to be a big deal in this town, not to make Paul Dolan or David Blitzer or whoever owns Cleveland this week look less mom-and-pop than they do now. And I don't know if you've noticed—you probably haven't given how much you'd rather be Roger Goodell—baseball's not easy. The best teams go into slumps, and maybe Skubal's broken, so let's not go pretending that this is all fun and beers."

"But we spent all the money on those attack ads where the fans say the game's broken, and we can't make the case that baseball's broken with a Milwaukee-Tampa World Series."

"And you shove those ads, too. I didn't agree to be anyone's pantomime bad guy, and I've got enough bullshit on my plate with flipping the Lakers. I'm sure as hell not taking any guff from any of you."

"Look, Mark, the plan doesn't work if the Dodgers aren't the Dodgers. The Yankees haven't been decent villains for 20 years. We can't make our case without you."

"Then you don't have much of a case, do you? You've been trying this crap for half a century and you've got nothing to show for it. Besides, why would I want a lockout? I'm making more money than anyone. Everyone's making money, and we've been making it forever. Explain again why we're doing this. No better yet, don't explain it. I've heard it all before. All that 'cost certainty' and 'the other sports have one' and 'it isn't fair.' Shut up. Everyone has plenty of money to try. We've all had plenty of money to try. If you can get a cap, good for you. It won't bother us, because it isn't that hard to get around it. Just ask my pal Ballmer."

"Now, hold on, Mark."

"No, you hold on. My team's lost two out of three since the middle of July or whatever, and I'm supposed to listen to you complaining about Dick Monfort yelling in your ear? Colorado stinks independent of any CBA. Tell him to fix his pitching and leave us out of it."

"Mark, we need this. We all need it. This is how we can get it."

"Then go tell Jerry Reinsdorf. He lost 121 games two years ago, and now he's winning his division, and he's spending less money than Pittsburgh. Hell, tell Stuart Sternberg. All he's done is complain about the ballpark in Tampa for a decade, and they're always winning. Don't think you're gonna lean on me, especially when we're playing average ball. I'm not in the mood, especially not from you."

"Maybe I called at the wrong time, sorry."

"Every time you call it's the wrong time, Robbo, because every time it's about the cap, and every time it's about my responsibility to the other 29 guys. Maybe I should just Fisher the rest of the season, and then you can all stand there in the rain looking stupid while the union kicks your ass again. And in case you didn't know, I've also got the feds up my arse, so you and 'the other 29 guys' can fall down a well. Is there anything else I can refuse to do for you, or can I go?"

"Mark, I didn't mean to get you all riled."

"No, it's just your gift that that's always the reaction when you turn up. Well, gotta go and try and figure out how to get back the five minutes you just stole from me. Have a nice day, Rob. Maybe you can call John Middleton in Philly next and ruin his day."

"I apologize if I upset you, Mark. I just wanted to..."

[CLICK]