Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2026 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.
Your team:
Your 2025 record: 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3 21-3.
In conclusion … 21-3. But wait, take it back another three weeks!
[smokes 50 cigarettes all at once] Oh yeah. Oh baby, life is so good. Owned on football's grandest stage by the fucking Indiana Bears. Twice. That's you, Green Bay Packers fans. You slovenly fucking curdslurps. Caleb Williams will be taking that shareholder certificate hanging over your fireplace now.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's go back so that I can savor every last morsel. The 2025 Packers started out as a juggernaut. They hornswoggled Jerry Jones out of Micah Parsons just before the season began, and everyone crowned their ass because the football media love the Packers more than they love their own children. Parsons immediately brought the goods, with sackage in two opening wins against Detroit and Washington. Wisconsinites took time out from soaking crosses in gasoline to book Super Bowl tickets. Referees from coast to coast rejoiced in seeing their favorite team prosper. And every NFL analyst at ESPN asked Matt LaFleur for his hand in marriage.
LaFleur's team would stage a disappearing act the following week in Cleveland, blowing a 10-0 lead in the fourth quarter to lose on a 55-yarder at the gun. They then blew a 13-0 lead in Dallas the next week, leaving the Metroplex with only a 40-40 tie to show for it. But three straight wins after that rinsed the stink out, and the Packers adoration industrial complex quickly whirred back to life.
I got a modicum of relief when they dropped two close games afterward: to Carolina on a last-second field goal, and in an offense-free loss to Philly a week later. But four straight wins after that made it clear that these guys, at 9-3-1, were one of the best teams, if not THE best team, in the NFC. Mina Kimes renamed her dog Jordan to celebrate.
Now guess how many games the Packers won after that. No really, guess.
Five? Nope.
Ten? You're getting colder.
Three?
Two?
[you're pleading with me now] One?
No the answer here is zero. ZERO. COMPUTER, EMBIGGEN!
[whispers to my date] That's zero.
The collapse began in Denver, where the Packers took a 23-14 lead in the second half, only for this bananas Patrick Surtain pick to kick off a late rally in which the Broncos outscored the Pack 20-3. Parsons tore his knee up in that game and was lost for the season, setting the scene for an even more spectacular choke-job in Chicago a week later. Green Bay led Chicago by 10 in that game with just over three minutes to play. The Bears kicked a field goal to pull within a TD, but by then there wasn't enough time left on the clock for them to get the ball back. The only way Chicago could have possibly regained possession that late would have been if they recovered an onside kick, and everyone knows that no one ever recovers an onside kick anym—BAH GAWD THAT’S BRANDON BOSTICK’S MUSIC!
The best part is that this wouldn't even be the last time that D.J. Moore ruined your shit with a housecall at the end of a game. After that loss in Soldier Field, the Packers were trounced at home by the Ravens' Derrick Henry (216 yards), but still managed to clinch their annual 7 seed in the playoff field. That set up a rematch with Chicago, in Chicago, in the wild-card round.
And sure, the miracle Bears had gotten one over on Green Bay in December. But no way they could pull that stunt a second time around. Not in the playoffs. Not against Mommy's Favorite. Not when Green Bay would go up 21-3 in the first half of that game, and maintain a two-score lead late into the fourth quarter. The Packers still own you, Chicago! They still own you, I scream through angry, disbelieving tears!
Green Bay has been to the playoffs 12 times in the past 15 years. The Packers have precisely dick to show for it. Swap their helmets out for Chargers helmets and you wouldn't know the difference. Something needed to change this offseason. Someone in Green Bay needed to answer for this run of obscene chokejobs, by Jobe!
Of course no one would, because…
Your coach: MEW MEW I'M MATT LAFLEUR AND I'M THE SUPER SMARTEST PLAY-CALLER WHO EVER LIVED.
There are more than a few Green Bay fans who have had enough of Matt LaFleur and his incredible disappearing offense, but last season wasn't enough to sour team brass, nor a fawning press corps, on Goatee McRatFace up above. Instead, the Packers extended LaFleur this offseason. Because he's one of the best offensive minds in the game you see … until he has to win something important.
The Packers also extended GM Brian Gutekunst, whose nickname "Gutey" is somehow even dumber than his actual name. Gutey is not a person. Gutey is a cartoon character with buckteeth and no pants. I'll never respect a Gutey, and neither will you. But here Gutey remains, because why would the Packers change what's clearly working so well? He and LaFleur have been just a dozen excuses away from winning multiple titles!
Defensive coordinator Jeff Hafley bailed to take the head job in Miami. Your new DC is former Cardinals head coach Jonathan Gannon. For those unfamiliar, Gannon's trademark defensive scheme is not actually having a scheme. OPPOSING QUARTERBACKS NEVER KNOW WHAT ISN'T COMING!
Your quarterback: We've already reached the "The Packers are wasting Jordan Love's prime!" phase of the discourse, because none of this team's failures could possibly be blamed on him. Not perfect little JoLo! It's not Love's fault that TE Tucker Kraft got hurt last season, or that two of his most vital O-linemen also got hurt, or that alleged abusive shitbag Josh Jacobs never cracked 100 yards on the ground. Are you telling me that one quarterback is supposed to "elevate" the team around him in moments of adversity? That's crazy talk.
And hey, how is one quarterback supposed to accommodate the five WR1s on last year's Green Bay roster?! I'd like to see YOU try to keep Dontayvion Wicks fed when you also have to pretend that Matthew Golden is worth a shit! And that Denver pick was an insane play by Surtain! You can't pin some of the most ill-timed YOLO balls in the sport on a guy who throws them as a matter of routine. Jordan Love is an elite quarterback! LOOK AT THE PFF METRICS, DAMMIT!
Hand to God, I would prefer that Aaron Rodgers win another Super Bowl than watch this mediocre automaton stumble his way to one. A decade from now, Jordan Love will still be throwing for a crisp 3,001 yards and missing four games every season, and he'll still be hailed as America's special little guy. His face makes me want to puke.
Tyrod Taylor is your backup. Tyrod Taylor will play in this league until he's 68. You people will be pining for Malik Willis to come back by October.
What's new that sucks: Nothing. When Gooooootie made the Parsons deal a year ago, he exhausted all of this organization's boldness reserves. What, were they supposed to acquire big name veterans TWO years in a row? What is this, the L.A. Dodgers? Don't be silly. No, Parsons tore his ACL in December and then the team said to itself, Well, we've done all that we can do here. So the 2026 Packers' fate now hinges on Parsons (currently on the PUP list) coming back from his injury no later than Week 6 and being exactly as good as he was before.
Because nothing else around him has improved a whit. In fact, as laid out here by the indispensable Mike Tanier, Green Bay is going into this season with a provably weaker roster. On offense, Wicks was traded to Philly and fellow WR Romeo Doubs and his Guardian Cap signed with New England in free agency. That leaves the offense with a mere three WR1s in a freshly extended Christian Watson (always hurt, has never topped 620 receiving yards in a season), Jayden Reed (also always hurt), and Golden (so lousy as a rookie that he barely saw the field). Kraft is the team's best receiving option by a mile, and he's also coming off a torn ACL from last fall. As noted by the FTN Almanac, the Packers haven't had a 1,000-yard receiver since 2021. With 17 games every season now! Nothing here suggests that drought is about to end.
Meanwhile, the O-line is already in shambles. Jordan Morgan is slated to be the starting LT essentially by default, and RT Zach Bako-Bewele is recovering from a devastating knee injury of his own from a season ago. Interior stalwart Elgton Jenkins, who broke his leg after being bumped to center from guard last year, is also gone. That leaves the relatively unproven Sean Rhyan as the starting center, flanked by 2025 free-agent bust Aaron Banks and ranked-72nd-by-PFF Anthony Belton as the starting guards.
And if Jacobs ends up suspended, or his ailing groin keeps him off the field for an extended period, there's no one else in the backfield to give carries to. As such, this offense consists of Love and an ICU.
On the other side of the ball, Parsons's absence means that EDGE Lukas Van Ness and his career 8.5 sacks will have to fill the pass-rushing void almost entirely on his own, because the team also lost EDGE Kingsley Enagbare in free agency. With longtime DTs Kenny Clark and Rashan Gary both traded to Dallas a year ago in separate deals, the interior pass rush now hinges on Devonte Wyatt, who missed the final month of last season with injuries, and free-agent Javon Hargrave, who's old and busted.
And don't forget the corners, because they suck, too! Nate Hobbs was such a bust back there a season ago that he got cut loose this spring, and the late addition of Trevon Diggs last season was equally fruitless. That leaves you guys with Keisean Nixon (currently on the verge of being benched and openly grousing about it) and Dynasty character Carrington Valentine responsible for covering the rest of NFC North's many, many dangerous wideouts. But don't worry, Nixon will have a single pass breakup in Week 1 and be handed an advance spot on Dan Orlovsky's All Nails Team.
Oh, and they still don't have a kicker.
So that's your 2026 Packers roster: broken, underwhelming, and overrated as ever. They'll be among the favorites to win the NFC anyway, of course. But early polls on how the Packers will fare are always wrong, too.
What has always sucked: Just picturing Packers fans disgusts me. All of them are spiritually 80 years old and drive a Rascal scooter. They all wear orthopedic sandals, showcasing feet that have an extra knuckle on every toe. Then they sit around all day, breathing our precious American oxygen as they cram pub cheese into every available orifice before waddling to the bathroom to stage a 40-minute bowel movement looks like someone spray-painted the toilet with Nutella.
And you want me to think this team of theirs is cute somehow? Never. The Packers could cure cancer and I'd still want them hit by an asteroid. Fuck that team, fuck their fans, fuck LaFleur, fuck Love, and fuck Brett Favre with a stolen welfare check. SKOL Vikings.
What might not suck: You must be joking. You can't make it down the street without hearing someone talk up this team. I ain't gonna be part of any of that. Die.
HEAR IT FROM PACKERS FANS!
Jackson:
Lambeau Field is a lot like the U.S. government in that it is full of old people clinging to their seats until they die.
Anthony:
Our chances of winning a Super Bowl with Jordan Love are about as believable as Aaron Rodgers' wife being a real person.
Justin:
The only reason our family likes this team is because our long-dead grandfather grew up in Wisconsin. He was a huge asshole and everyone was afraid of him.
Tim Faust:
Wisconsin is so devoid of public transit infrastructure and so keen on drunk driving that bars in Milwaukee have developed a private network of bar buses to take people to and from Lambeau Field to keep folks off the road. I would describe the feeling of being at a packed bar watching the Packers open the second half against the Bears with four consecutive two-minute possessions as pretty similar to how it felt being at a party for the 2016 election watching the results come in. Like being in a terrible relationship where you know the end is coming, but you have to delude yourself into thinking something good could happen, even though you know deep down that it won't.
AMLK:
It was 21-3 and I (rightly!) had no confidence they would win that game.
Max:
After the 21-3 collapse, my Swedish friend who's a Bears fan makes fun of me and there's nothing I can say back. I've never felt so helpless in my life and I'm afraid this is just the beginning of some very overdue Bears dominance in the NFC North.
Benjamin:
Matt LaFleur still has the haircut of a middle schooler from Waukesha in 2018, but somehow his failson brother has an even worse haircut.
Ethan:
I look at this incredibly injured squad, quarterbacked by someone who advanced stats say is great but who the eye test says is Carson Wentz with better PR, coached by a LaFleur brother with a Tony Stark beard, and I feel absolutely nothing.
Jon:
So, I collect VHS tapes, and I found a taped-off-of-TV local news special about the Packers and Green Bay in 1998. One of the local bartenders they interviewed said she doesn't mind "the blacks," referring to the players coming to their bar to drink. That is all you need to know about Green Bay, home of the annual Trump Rally pitstop in the Armpit of WI.
Jacob:
Early in the year through around December 1, the team looks good, I start to convince myself that it might be different this time under LaFleur. And inevitably there is some injury that creeps up that exposes major flaws, something goes wrong in a big game, and the entire team puckers while LaFleur is squawking on the sidelines and generally seeming helpless.
Lucas:
LaFleur somehow got a contract extension despite playcalling that was as stale as a three-day-old croissant. Every possession went like this:
1st down: Josh Jacobs run up the middle; gain of 2 yds
2nd down: Josh Jacobs run outside; gain of 2 yds
3rd down: Jordan Love pass to any of a hundred wideouts who would be second string on any actually good team; dropped despite being wide open
4th down: Punt
This is roughly the third year in a row that I think Jayden Reed is going to be an all-NFL player; I am a known football idiot.
PS Jordan Love is EASILY a top 5 quarterback and is going to win MVP this year. Mina Kimes and I agree, and anyone who doesn't can eat hog.
Stephanie:
I have absolutely no memory of the past three seasons. I was alive! I watched the games!
Jeff:
[Dr. Manhattan voice]
It is late December of 2025. The Packers have just lost to the Bears on some Caleb Williams last minute bullshit. I consider writing into Why Your Team Sucks prior to the "official" summer opening.
It is January of 2026. The Packers have just lost to the Bears on some Caleb Williams last minute bullshit. I consider writing into Why Your Team Sucks prior to the "official" summer opening. My youngest child, a Bears fan, mocks me. He is spiteful and full of baby's venom.
It is April of 2026. The Packers have just turned in their annual B-minus of a draft. I don't consider writing into Why Your Team Sucks, because a Packers B-minus draft report card is one of the three true signs of Spring.
It is July of 2026. Caleb Williams is on the cover of the "super cool awesome" edition of Madden that my youngest wants me to buy for him. I pray that the Madden Curse is a thing that exists.
Morrigan:
I went to a game last year with my dad. He's 6-4, 300 pounds so I did not get hate-crimed in Trump's America for being visibly trans at a football game. The guy sitting to my dad's right was so drunk he smelled like a brewery lit on fire. Yes, this was a noon game, and yes he was removed from the stadium within about ten minutes of the game starting because he refused to sit down. Anyways, the Packers lost one of the worst games I had the displeasure of seeing and our tight end tore his ACL. The season ended the same way LaFleur seasons always do: a post-season collapse thanks to issues that have been present his entire tenure. The team extended him after he blew an 18-point lead in the playoffs to our biggest rival.
Nick:
Matt LaFleur had one of the worst grades for coaches on the NFLPA report card, but we still handed him a fat extension.
Chris:
We took a WR in the first and then locked him in the equipment room so Romeo Doubs could maybe kinda sorta possibly finally develop into a reliable WR1.
Stephanie:
Can't wait to watch us win 11-13 games this season and then step on yet another inexplicable rake in January. You're gonna love it, Drew.
Sam:
Oh cool it's Matt LaFleur pulling the "Now where exactly did I park my car?" face as the Packers blow another lead.
Tom:
Knew something was cosmically wrong last season when we got the Cowboys' most impactful player and then tied them.
Will:
They are capital-S Soft and it'll never change until Charmin poster boy Matt LaFleur is run out of town. No one should have any respect for these clowns. It'd be better to be a Jets fan, I swear it would.
Tim:
Fuck Brandon Bostick with the hamper that Najeh Davenport shit in.
Adam:
The Rodgers-McCarthy reunion in Pittsburgh will inevitably more interesting than this entire team. Jordan Love doing something jaw-droppingly stupid will be the only decent highlight all season.
Johnny:
ESPN Wisconsin's morning radio show is called Jen, Gabe, and Chewy. Jen and Gabe are great. Chewy is Mark Chmura, the former Packers tight end. The other hosts have to constantly go out of their way to explain to Chmura who people are and what happened on the team he covers. His takes all boil down to variations of, "These players are soft, concussions didn't exist back in my day." Oh, and of course he was charged with sexually assaulting his kids' teenage babysitter, found not guilty, then proceeded to say the grossest shit about the situation that sure sounded like an admission of guilt to me. It makes perfect sense that this guy is one of the faces of Wisconsin sports media.
Landon:
On paper, Christian Watson's athletic profile makes him look like a superhero, but his injury history makes him look like a pathology textbook.
I honestly hope Josh Jacobs goes to prison because this team will never have the balls to cut him. The rest of the RB room combines for 187 career carries.
This team is locked in for eight dominant wins and nine of the dumbest sloppy losses you've ever seen that leave you wondering if this team even practices during the week.
I'll keep saying it every year: The cheesehead hats look stupid as hell. And fuck Brett Favre forever.
John:
Every NFL fandom is a drooling bedlam of delusionals, but we really excel in the field. Don't believe me? Come on up. Come to some fucking bar called 'Meryl's Minnow Shack' in Crandon. You won't get to the bar before some asshole asks you for a dollar for the shake of the day and then tells you the most unhinged NFL take you've ever heard in your life. He'll tell you that it was 'smart money' to spend $10m on Isaiah McDuffie, as if that's going to resurrect a special-teams squad that was decaying like a whitetail that had a one-night stand with an F-150. He'll tell you that the Week 9 game against the Pats is a "gimme" because "Doubs doesn't have it anymore." He'll tell you that drafting Chris McClellan was a "missing piece."
I'vesaid that, God help me. Why the fuck would I say that? I don't know shit about Mizzou football! I had to Google it to double check that I knew what fuckingcityMizzou was in! It's Columbia. I thought maybe it was Hannibal.Some asshole last year said Milwaukee was "ChatGPT Chicago." It's on sight next time I see you in a Culver's parking lot, you fucking FIB.
Dan:
Ever since my son was born, I've been on the war path, fighting against his environment (metro Detroit) to raise him as a Packer fan. He has his stock certificate on the wall in his bedroom, he's been signed up for their kids club and gets excited when the team sends him a birthday card. The flag has been firmly planted.
One afternoon last August, he and I were at Home Depot when I got the news we'd traded for Micah Parsons. I told him we had to leave right away because, as I said out loud for multiple people to hear, "We just won a Super Bowl" and I had excited phone calls to make.
Fast forward to December. He and I bond every week over making our picks every Sunday morning, but always skipping the Packers game because I refuse to tie money along with my emotions to this team. For this reason, my son, three at the time, was mad he didn't get to "pick the horsies," as he calls the Broncos.
He watched as I quietly died inside while the Packers pissed away the game in Denver and started one of the worst football stretches of my life. Near the end of the game, he said, "I don't like the Packers, I like the horsies." I didn't respond, so he repeated louder, "I don't like the Packers, I like the horsies." Nothing. I am a shell of a man, husband, and father. Louder again, in my face, he repeats his statement. I finally snap, whip my head around and whisper-yell through gritted teeth, "You can just keep that shit to yourself!"
Fuck gentle parenting.
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