- Danny Cipriani and his American actress bride-to-be sparked outrage
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Putting on a wedding - particularly a destination one - gets more and more expensive each year - so much so, even the rich and famous have had to resort to asking guests to chip in for the festivities.
This week, former rugby star Danny Cipriani and his bride-to-be, actress AnnaLynne McCord, sparked outrage after inviting family and friends to pay for everything from the marriage licence to their reception meal - even though the pair are both thought to have amassed millions throughout their careers.
While the couple were branded 'tacky and distasteful' for setting up a crowdfund link for their nuptials, experts have now weighed in on whether it's ever OK to ask guests to pay for any part of the celebrations; and how to handle money talk when it comes to gifts.
Britons are set to spend some £12billion attending weddings this year, with guests paying an average of £692 per event, according to research from Current Account Switch Service.
Because of this, etiquette expert Julius F Smith, a former royal butler and founder of Regal Afternoon Tea, stressed it's important not to put the monetary weight of your celebrations on those attending, as they are already going to incur travel and admin costs.
'My grandmother had a phrase for this sort of thing: if you can't afford it, you go without. I think the same principle applies here,' he told the Daily Mail.
'It's a complete and utter cheek to ask others for cash to help pay for your own wedding. Cut your cloth according to your means, as the old saying goes. The news that Danny Cipriani and his fiancée AnnaLynne McCord are crowdfunding their big day is tacky in the extreme.'
Julius continued: 'I'm sure that over the course of his career Mr Cipriani has earned a sizeable income, and I don't doubt he's had his share of financial troubles.
'But neither of those things is a reason to ask others to foot the bill for his wedding. If you can't afford the day you're dreaming of, the answer is to dream a little smaller, not to pass the hat around.'
He is of the view that there are some circumstances where it would be acceptable to ask for cash - but they are rare.
This week, former rugby star Danny Cipriani and his bride-to-be, actress AnnaLynne McCord, sparked outrage after requesting that family and friends pay for everything from the marriage licence to their reception meal - even though the pair are both thought to have amassed millions throughout their careers
'If you're a young couple, I think it's permissible to ask your parents whether they might be able to help with the costs,' Julius added.
'My advice would be to have a firm budget in mind, so you don't put your family into financial difficulty, and not to leave the request until the last minute; give them as much notice as possible in case they're unable to help.
'Another case for the defence is when friends and family already know a couple's financial circumstances and choose, off their own bat, to help pay for the wedding without ever being asked. That's generosity given, not generosity extracted.
'And if all else fails, you can always borrow the money, whether from a bank, a friend, or a family member, if that's something you're comfortable doing. A loan, at least, is honestly what it is, and comes with an understanding that it will be repaid.'
He said there is a difference 'between a guest choosing to be generous and a couple actively soliciting funds from friends, family, and even complete strangers before a single invitation has gone out.'
'One is a kindness; the other is closer to begging,' Julius stressed. 'So here's my advice to the happy couple: forget the lavish LA society wedding.
'Book a modest church service or a registry office, hire the local village hall for the reception, and spare the rest of us the spectacle of watching two adults go cap in hand to anyone who'll listen. A wedding is a celebration of a marriage, not a fundraising exercise.'
Rakhee Wood, a financial adviser, added that it 'can be completely reasonable' to ask for cash from guests - 'but it really depends on the circumstances and how you actually make the request'.
She added: 'There are plenty of couples who already have the household items they need, especially if they've lived together for several years before getting married, so receiving money towards something useful makes more sense than receiving gifts they're never going to use anyway.
'A small wedding where the couple ask guests to contribute something towards their honeymoon or future savings is completely different from asking people to fund an expensive wedding you've chosen to have, or dragging everyone out to a destination wedding where they've had to book time off work and then you're shaking them down for even more money.
'Cash should be offered as an option and never treated as an expectation. Guests are already spending money on travel, accommodation, outfits etc. so you need to be sensitive about the pressure that creates.
'Asking parents or close family members for financial help can also be perfectly acceptable if it’s something both sides are comfortable with, as many families see this as a way of supporting a couple’s future.
'The issue isn’t the money itself, it’s whether guests feel like they’re being invited to celebrate a marriage or being asked to contribute towards a bill. '
While the couple were branded 'tacky and distasteful' for setting up a crowdfund link for their nuptials, experts have now weighed on whether it's ever OK to ask guests to pay for any part of the celebrations; and to handle money talk when it comes to gifts
The unorthodox approach, especially given their flash Hollywood lifestyle, has raised eyebrows that they are not willing to foot their wedding bill themselves
It's a different ballpark when it comes to the realm of gifts, for guests, Julius explained - especially if the couple request cash.
'Firstly, this scenario depends on your relationship to the couple,' he said.
'If you are family or a very close friend, I believe a monetary gift of £60 per person or giving as a couple, £100, is ideal. However, if you are not close to the marrying couple then £30 will suffice.'
Elsewhere, planner Maruf Ahmed insisted that an 'informal minimum' is usually £50 if you're a 'colleague or a more distant connection, or if you're younger and know the couple aren't expecting huge donations'.
'The upper end of around £150 or more tends to be more suitable for close family and friends,' claimed the expert.
'If you're part of a friendship group, it might be nicer to go for a joint cash gift instead, then those who are less able to fork out a lot of money can hide in the larger joint amount, as long as everyone in the group is okay with what everyone else paid and it's not going to lead to any tensions down the line.'
And even if you would prefer to gift the newlyweds a present over money - Julius urged not to push.
'It's not the end of the world, however, I feel that the couple's wishes trump what you would like to do,' he said.
'If you feel strongly about giving them a certain gift, perhaps when you next meet up, after the honeymoon, for example, you could hand them it and explain you really want them to have this.'
'When it comes to gifts, it should of course be up to guests whether they'd rather give cash than a present. Personally, I've never liked the tradition, as it opens up a minefield of anxiety over whether the amount given was too much, too little, or just right.
'Other cultures handle it rather more gracefully. In Greece, for instance, there's a lovely tradition of pinning money to the bride and groom's clothing during the reception, or leaving notes on the wedding bed, which is a gesture of generosity offered freely, rather than an obligation dressed up as one.
Maruf agreed, saying: 'If the invitation or wedding website explicitly asks for cash, that request should take priority.
'Couples usually choose it to simplify logistics and avoid duplicates, and it's often tied to plans like travel or home set-up.
'If you strongly prefer giving something tangible, the most respectful compromise is to choose a present that's clearly wanted, for example, from a list if one exists, or to add a small, meaningful physical item alongside the cash rather than replacing it entirely.'
It comes as, according to new research, wedding guests are set to spend a collective £11.7 billion attending ceremonies this year.
Analysis from Current Account Switch Service saw guests spending an average of £692 per wedding - 'and with 73 guests attending the average wedding ceremony, each event amounts to £50,516 in collective guest spend; with 231,949 weddings3 occurring each year, this results in a total cost of £11.7 billion'.
Meanwhile, the 'the cost of a wedding to hosts has now reached £21,902, underscoring mounting financial pressures across the entire wedding ecosystem'.
'The cost of summer, notably weddings, is going to weigh heavily on consumers this year as they deal with successive years of high inflation,' said John Dentry, Product Manager at Pay.UK.
'The cost of living crisis continues to weigh heavily on families, who are now increasingly turning to credit cards and other forms of debt to make ends meet.'