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Heading for warmer climes? As you (or your wife) tick off your packing list, there’s a number of things that should never see the sunlight.

As a fashion editor, I want to speak to all men, and say here are the things that should (and shouldn’t) be in your suitcase this summer…

Bin your Budgie smugglers

Unless you’re an elite swimmer or a world-class diver, there’s only one word that comes to mind when I see a grown man in budgie smugglers: cringe. If you’re wondering whether you’re too old for them, you most definitely are. And no, it’s not that funny to wear matching ones on a STAG do.

Wear swimming trunks, or you can stay inside I’m afraid. Joules have some jolly good ones. As do Massimo Dutti. Arket’s are also reasonable and fashionable. Or if you fancy splurging before splashing, try Orlebar Brown for a pair you’ll still be wearing in five years' time.

The great short debate

I could write a manual on this. But in short, Paul Mescal-inspired, mini sporty briefs are only acceptable if you are indeed Mr Mescal himself. Rugby players, fine too, I suppose. But let’s be honest, on your average Joe it’s too much thigh. Our new prime minister, Andy Burnham, made headlines while running in May when he was papped in a tiny, loin-skimming black Adidas pair, with large flapping side vents, which revealed yet MORE leg. It didn’t have the ladies swooning, but rather sighing and eye rolling. Burnham clearly learnt his lesson though, and has been spotted running in proper shorts since.

Similarly, long shin-length Bermudas are tricky to wear and only really suit tallies - if you’re six foot or above and have a look of Harry Styles about you, then go ahead. Otherwise, steer well clear.

The sweet spot - for ALL shorts on EVERY height - is from mid-thigh to just above the knee. And in terms of tightness, you should be able to slide two fingers under the hem; if your whole hand fits, it may be nice and breezy, but you’re at risk of flashing the crown jewels. Any tighter and you’ll end up with bunching and bulging around said jewels - no thank you, sir.

Hawaiian holiday shirts

If your 'holiday shirt' is in fact a 'Hawaiian shirt' and looks like something Jim Carrey would wear in Ace Ventura - and you are not in fact from the beautiful island of Hawaii or of indigenous Polynesian descent - don’t even THINK about packing it. What you should be wearing instead is a loose to oversized fit linen or cotton number. Prints are fine, but anything garish is gauche. Or try a style with playful embroidery. Bound and Percival stock all the cool-guy styles. Paul Smith is never a bad investment.

Socks + sandals = a red card

Socks inside opened-toed shoes are a big fat no-no. I don’t care how grizzly your toes are - although I would always recommend a pedi or a hoof appointment with your podiatrist before jetting away. Save your socks for loafers, trainers, slide-ons and Birkies - with closed toes. You’re also saving yourself from terrible tan lines.

But which sandals?

Supportive, practical hiking styles are having a hot moment, thanks to the gorp-core (read: outdoor-core) craze. For adventurers, Teva’s technical walking style is still top of the pops but this summer Uneek’s sporty sandal-cum-sneaker is the one to watch. Wear with caution (aka long linen trews); or risk looking as though you fell off the climbing wall.

Leather or suede fisherman’s sandals are back on the hot weather sartorial set list too - these are also better than a flip flop if you’re clocking up a big step count. Birkenstock Arizonas aren’t wrong, but the suede and leather Boston clogs are a bit more trendy.

Socks + closed toe shoes = passable!

An ankle sock in your CLOSED TOE Boston clog, loafer or slip-ons in the evening is fine. But only a plain white crew style will do. At most you can wear a white pair with sporting stripes. But please don’t blind your fellow poolside sunbathers with rainbow-hued, slogan-emblazoned types that you typically hide under your trousers in the office. I don’t need to see ‘Monday’ scribed across your ankles in comic sans font, because when you’re on holiday, Mondays simply don’t exist.

The grooming checklist:

• Pre-holiday amp up your body care to help you feel your best on the beach. Use a daily moisturiser - Aveeno’s is scent-free and leaves skin supple, not oily. And for the more adventurous, Aesop’s body scrub will have you buffed to perfection.

• Having watched my boyfriend apply sun cream, it’s clear many of you need help in the sun protection department. Start by making sure you have it on your face. Pick a daily moisturiser that contains SPF so you don’t have to think about it; Simple’s Kind to Skin cream with Factor 50 is scentless, cheap and well, simple. If you have a beard, or you’re bald, try Horace’s face and body sunscreen. And for your body, E45's fool-proof spray is ideal for top-ups between bombing in the pool, rolling in sand or even jet skiing. If all else fails, at least just use whatever your Mrs has packed.

• We’ve covered feet, but just in case you need further encouragement to keep on top of your toes, there are just as many men getting pedicures at my local Townhouse nail salon as there are women. Don’t be shy and book in now! But for the trotters that need a real overhaul, look no further than the infamous Margaret Dabbs Medical Pedicure (most of her clients are footballers or athletes). It’s a total gamechanger! And you’ll literally leave feeling footloose and fancy free.

It's 2026; body hair is no longer taboo. But if you want to have a little tidy, the aptly named showerproof 'Body & Balls Groomer 5000' from Philips will help you achieve all the trimming and training you desire, without having to go the full bald eagle.

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