A magical first date, falling in love, walking down the aisle... There’s a familiar roadmap of how a relationship will progress.

But what if it comes to an end? With 42 per cent of marriages in the UK statistically likely to end in divorce, sadly many of us will discover that the path out of a relationship isn’t so simple.

People expect a linear journey through a breakup. After all, you’ve split for a reason – shouldn’t you just start hating their guts, and move on?

But as a couples counsellor and relationship expert, I know the truth is much more complex. You can be unable to bear the sight of your ex and still fall back in love with them (or the memory of them) and want to reconcile.

I’m currently seeing many women in their forties who chose to walk away from their marriages for good reason, yet are finding it hard to cut the cord for good.

However, there are things you can do to help yourself through those early days of confusion and heartbreak.

Whether you’re splitting up after one year or 20, here’s my survival guide...

Sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight says 42 per cent of marriages in the UK are statistically likely to end in divorce

Don't let conflict become your comfort blanket

People often think they have to really hash things out with their ex; unearth their innermost feelings, leaving no stone unturned.

But that’s the last thing you need at this point. Try at least a month of no contact whatsoever – and that includes social media stalking.

Think of your ex like a gaping wound, and your separation from them as a plaster. If you’re constantly peeling it back and peeking at the wound, it won’t heal – if anything, it’ll get worse.

If there are children in the mix, however, keep things business-like. You can’t avoid communicating, but again, there should be no talk of feelings. You need distance from the pain in order to process it fully.

When you separate, you’re left with a sudden withdrawal from the emotions that person gave you. Even being in touch with them to argue gives you that emotional spike. Conflict becomes your comfort blanket, which becomes hugely toxic.

Have one honest conversation

During your one-month break, if you have a feeling or thought you’re desperate to talk about with them, make a note of it.

Then, once that no-contact period is up, meet for one, final post-breakup ‘debrief’. It can be hugely helpful to hear their perspective, but only with the clarity of distance.

Bring your feelings to the table, then focus on how you will move forward.

If you’ve been together a long time, you might have mutual friends, children, property, pets together. Will you politely say hello, or completely ignore one another at parties? Both are fine, but make a set of rules and meet at the level of the most-hurt party. If you’d be fine to chat in public, but your ex would find it too painful, you have to respect that.

Spread the news

Those who find it difficult to tell friends and family that their relationship is over often find it harder to get over their partner, because they aren’t willing to admit to themselves that it’s truly over.

When you start putting it out there, it becomes real. It’s hard, but tell everyone. It’s a way of holding yourself accountable.

Annabelle says when we separate, you’re left with a sudden withdrawal from the emotions that person gave you

No time for nostalgia

Reading old messages, looking at old photos may seem like harmless nostalgia, but it’s actually emotional torture.

This applies to any ongoing communication, too. It’s hard, but don’t let yourself think about the hidden meaning in every text. It’s a highway to nowhere, and no answer you find in your own head will be satisfying. Plus, it signals that you haven’t fully let go of that connection, which is vital to moving on.

Nominate an emotional crutch

When you’re in the freefall of heartbreak, it’s hard to be rational.

Tell your closest friend, or your sister, your mum – whoever – that they’re going to be your crutch for those moments you need a helping hand to ride out your emotions.

It’s the small moments that will drive you mad, like seeing a new brand of cereal in the supermarket and wanting to tell your partner – so warn your new ‘person’ that they’ll be taking that role on for you. They’ll be happy to help.

PS. You can reconnect – but only as different people

You can’t go through a breakup secretly holding out hope for a reconciliation. You won’t heal if the door isn’t fully closed.

Ironically, people only manage to get back together if they’ve fully got over the relationship. Without going through the healing process properly, you don’t change, and you’ll end up back in the situation that led you to split in the first place.

You shouldn’t reconnect just because it’s comfortable, or you miss each other. You should be two different people, connecting as if it were the first time.

As told to Olivia Dean